The Adventures of Marauder Boy!
by starfruit
Summary: Marauder Boy, the best superhero around, but there is a plan...(there's always a plan) by his Arch Enemy to...*dramatic pause* DESTROY HIM. Tune in to find out what happens. Rating for language, innuendo, and general perviness!
1. Thunderbolts and lightening, very very f...

Prologue  
  
  
  
  
  
In this particular wizard's opinion, there was no nicer place to stroll through on a summer evening, than Diagon Alley. The sun was just setting, shops were closed, and a few market stalls were still there, with the last of their goods on display. Hardly anyone was walking through, it was quiet and completely the opposite from the hustle and bustle of just a few hours ago.  
  
Still.something was amiss, wasn't it? He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was definitely strange.  
  
Unexpectedly, a flash of red and gold light disrupted his thoughts completely.  
  
The old wizard looked up at the skies.ah yes. The familiar, reassuring yet at the same time overly dramatic sign was lighting up the stars. Marauder Boy! Actually, mused the old wizard, as the lightening sign flashed a range of colours overhead, he wasn't too sure Marauder Boy actually knew what the word 'Marauder' meant. Or maybe he did, and was raiding, prowling, looting and intruding in his spare time, when he wasn't saving the Wizarding World - and just kept it quiet.  
  
The lightening sign in the sky suddenly materialised into a real lightening bolt, turned so the tip was pointing downwards, and plummeted to the earth, setting alight a market stall, where its unfortunate owner was still packing up from a day's trading.  
  
The wizard smiled. Yes, everything was normal. He was stupid to have worried. 


	2. It's just a jump to the left

'Harry?'  
  
'Hmmm?' Harry Potter looked up from his comic book. For one with so much responsibility, he really was quite immature.  
  
'You've got a letter from the Ministry, again.It's a complaint.' Ron didn't sound too happy.  
  
'Another one?' said Harry, nonchalantly, he turned the page and laughed out loud at the little cartoon people running around inside the pages of the book.  
  
'Yes, *another* one. It set alight Thomas Redford's market stall last night.'  
  
'I didn't even get called for last night.' Harry clearly wasn't listening.  
  
'That's the point. Why set them off yourself?'  
  
Harry smiled, slightly. Ron was not amused. 'It's not my job to deal with insurance claims! I'm meant to be there by your side when you fight evil! When you protect Witches and Wizards from the dark forces! When you rock the world!'  
  
Harry threw down his comic and laughed. Holding his sides he rocked back and forth in his chair, laughing so much it hurt. Ron looked on in an annoyed silence. Harry was prone to doing this when he had eaten too much sugar.  
  
Finally, Harry stopped laughing. 'I set the Lightening-sign off, because, I *was* rocking the world!' he collapsed into another fit of the giggles again, before shouting,  
  
'I was rocking Parvati Patil's world!!'  
  
Ron sighed and walked away.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Godric's Hollow. A stately home. Old, surrounded by beautiful countryside, with amazing architecture, for decades it had been owned by some of the richest, smartest and most respected, upper-class members of the Wizarding Community. That was, until, Harry Potter came of age, and inherited it from his dead parents.  
  
It wasn't so much changed from the outside, but once you got inside one would quickly realise that this was not the home of an ordinary aristocrat, even though Ron tried his hardest to keep it looking that way.  
  
Little changes, mainly the 'Wasssuuup?' doormat, instead of the more usual one that said 'Welcome'.  
  
The signed pictures of famous models in various states of undress. 'To Harry, thanks for one magical night - Cho Chang xxx' was just one.  
  
(This photo took up a whole wall of the entrance hall, with a black and white picture of Harry's school crush wrapped in a thin, white bedcover, and in a suggestive pose that hinted Harry had done more than show her his transfiguration skills).  
  
The odd dirty plate here and there, the smears of ketchup on priceless marble antiques, they all gave the distinct impression that the owner wasn't your average Ministry of Magic official.  
  
The first thing he had done was knock a huge hole in every floor, so they aligned, and then have a thick, metal pole built through the whole house. It went vertically, from the very lowest floor, right through the top of the house. This pole had a number of uses, (including some things Lavender Brown in particular was getting very good at.)  
  
It was using this pole that he was able to slide down 5 floors from his bedroom, straight to the kitchen.  
  
He landed with a thud on the polished wooden floor, beside Ron.  
  
'I should *definitely* wear clothes when I do that.' He announced, grabbing a plate of chips off Ron and walking through to the library.  
  
Ron decided not to comment.  
  
He followed Harry through to the library. 'Where's Lupin?' Harry asked after he had shoved his face full of chips. Ron took the plate off him, and handed him a tissue, before he could wipe his greasy, salty hands on the upholstery of the chair.  
  
'Lupin is away, Harry. He gets 3 days off a month.'  
  
Remus Lupin was Harry's butler. Shameful as it was, he couldn't get a job anywhere else.  
  
'Does he? Why?' Harry asked, only half listening. He walked over to the fireplace and started to play with an ornament. Ron resisted the temptation to go over there and yank it out of his unsafe hands. It was his house, after all. If he wanted to play with the priceless, 18th century antique it was his choic-  
  
'Harry!!' he said, loudly, grabbing it and holding it way out of Harry's reach. He took a deep breath and returned the ornament to its rightful place, making a mental note to hide it away somewhere later, when he got the chance.  
  
Harry looked at his watch. His deep-sea divers watch, he thought, smugly. It was cool! A birthday present from his Godfather.  
  
'Did you get a letter from Sirius?' he asked Ron.  
  
'If by letter you mean crude joke scrawled on the back of a London escort girl's calling card, then yes, I did.' Ron replied, irritably. 'I threw it away. I didn't think you'd need it, seeing as you were with Parvati last night.'  
  
Harry laughed, then was suddenly serious again. 'Speaking of convicted criminals.' he mused - 'we haven't seen Hermione in a while.'  
  
Ron nodded. 'I'm worried about her - really I am. Should we go see her?' Harry stuck his hands in his pockets. 'Yeah, I suppose. She does freak me out a bit, though.'  
  
Ron pulled out his wand and waved it randomly around. The stone fireplace slowly began to rotate. By slowly, I mean, slowly. It was 5 minutes before both Ron and Harry were faced with a blank stone wall where the fireplace had been. Harry stepped onto it, casually, and without warning plummeted quickly down a dark, black tunnel as the stonework gave way underfoot.  
  
  
  
Harry landed on his feet, with no damage to any part of his body. He was a Superhero - they were like cats, in many ways, he thought to himself, as Ron landed on his head, by Harry's feet. With 9 lives and all that.  
  
Ron pushed himself to his knees, and groaned loudly. 'Oww. I think I've broken my neck, Harry. Harry?'  
  
Getting no answer from 'The Boy Who Lived' (who was still deep in thought about the similarities between Superheroes and cats) he decided to fix his own neck, and got his wand out from the sleeve of his robes. After a few minutes he managed to stand up, and, rubbing his leg where he had caught it on something sharp on the way down, he shook Harry by the shoulder.  
  
'Harry?' he whispered. Startled, Harry remembered Ron was there too. 'That didn't happen last time, did it?' he asked, cheerfully. 'Fun, though.'  
  
Ron bit back a particularly unpleasant remark, and continued trying to align his neck with his spine.  
  
'Hermiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' Harry shouted into the darkness.  
  
Unexpectedly, flames came to life in the lanterns hung on the walls of the dungeons. They stretched all the way along the dark, damp passageway for further than Harry could see. They walked on.  
  
As they neared the end of the stone corridor that was lit with flames, erratically, more erupted from the walls.  
  
'She's really gone all out to make us feel welcome, hasn't she, Harry?' Ron murmured, trying not to clutch Harry's arm in fear.  
  
Harry started singing - 'It's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the riiiiiight! Put your hands on your hips -'  
  
'Harry!' Ron hissed. 'This is no time to be doing the Timewarp!'  
  
Harry put his hands in his pockets and stopped. He poked the toe of his trainer into some moss, growing between the cracked, damp stones.  
  
'Ron - you never let me do the Timewarp.' He said, calmly. Then he broke into a run along the passageway, and Ron was left standing, wondering not for the first time, how Harry had managed to become Minister of Magic.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Reviews are good =) 


	3. Evil is as evil does

Meanwhile, in the Slytherin common room.!  
  
'Just one more drop.'  
  
'Yooo hoooo..Sevvy darling!!'  
  
'BUGGER!!'  
  
'What you brewing, baby?'  
  
'I WAS brewing a potion.'  
  
'Ooooh, what kind of potion?' Lucius peered over Snape's shoulder, standing on his tiptoes.  
  
'Lucius - ' Snape took a deep breath and turned around.  
  
A grinning Lucius Malfoy wrapped his arms around Snape's waist. 'You're so clever, Sevvy! Really you are. I can't begin to imagine where you get your ideas from.'  
  
Snape smirked, and kicked a 'Batman' comic under a nearby desk. Quietly, he detached himself from Lucius' arms, and began packing up his cauldron.  
  
A sarcastic, yet exasperated voice sounded from the corner of the room. 'What's gone wrong *this* time, then?'  
  
Lucius stood up straight. 'Nothing! Sevvy has it all worked out, don't you Sev?' Snape sighed.  
  
'Is it your fault again this time, Father?' Draco smirked, and sat down in one of the green leather chairs.  
  
Lucius' eyes began to fill with tears. 'Was it, Sevvy? I'm so sorry, Sev! I never meant to! I just think you're so clever and everything, I didn't mean to make it go wrong!'  
  
Snape shot an evil look at Malfoy Junior and tried to reassure Lucius. 'No Lucius it wasn't your fault. It wasn't.'  
  
He walked over to Draco. 'Unless you WANT to find somewhere else to live, I suggest you KEEP QUIET.'  
  
Draco stood up, outraged. 'I DO WANT to live somewhere else! I hate this school and everyone in it! I hate it! I hate teaching! I didn't even want to be your apprentice, Snape, but Father said he would donate my Trust Fund to charity if I didn't.'  
  
He pushed past Snape and Lucius to stand in the doorway of the Common Room.  
  
'I hate you all!' he screamed, and stormed off.  
  
Lucius watched him go for a minute, then shook his head, smiling slightly.  
  
'Ah, teenagers.'  
  
Snape looked at him in disbelief.  
  
'Lucius - He's 24!' 


	4. Professor Draco baby

Fuming, Draco pushed past the group of Slytherin 1st years waiting outside the common room.  
  
He had nearly reached the stairs when one of them spoke, immediately wishing he hadn't.  
  
'Er.Professor Malfoy?'  
  
'What?' Draco's voice was cold, and dangerous. He had one arm on the dungeon wall, and one foot on the first stone step, about to go upstairs.  
  
'Urm.well, we were wondering -' the terrified first year student began, backing away into his group of friends, even though he couldn't see Draco's expression.  
  
'We were wondering when we can go into the common room again -'  
  
Draco turned around, and smirked slightly, advancing on the group of students slowly, like a predator in the wild approaching its prey.  
  
'Fuck. Off.' He said, slowly, enunciating every syllable. 'Is that clear?'  
  
'Yes sir.'  
  
'Good.'  
  
Draco turned around and climbed up the stone staircase, leading from the dungeons, muttering under his breath. 'Stupid, bloody CHILDREN.'  
  
Draco kept on walking, and didn't stop, until he was outside the Great Hall. He looked at his watch. Fashionably late, as per usual. He liked to make an entrance.  
  
'Dracccccccccccyyyyyyyyy!' came a voice from the end of the hallway. Freezing in horror at how she could be so stupid, Draco turned to face his girlfriend. Or, more accurately, his student.  
  
'Hey Dracy, baby, long time no see!' she said, in her pathetic 'bubbly' voice. 'You had potions on Monday.' He said, coldly. 'Oh -' the blonde wiggled her hips and twisted a lock of hair around her fingers. 'and what day is it today?'  
  
'Wednesday.'  
  
Clarice looked confused for a moment, before giggling. 'Oh! Okay Draco, baby!' Draco sighed, and removed her perfectly manicured hands from his waist. 'It's _Professor_ Draco baby, actually.' He said sarcastically, as two students walked past them and into the hall. Luckily, they were the same 1st year students Draco had shouted at earlier, and unlikely to say anything to anyone.  
  
Clarice laughed, a very loud, drawn out cackle, almost hyperventilating. 'You're sooooooooo funny, Dracy!' she said, clinging onto him.  
  
Draco struggled to break free of her grip, she was so damn CLINGY! 'Clarice, he said, quietly. I really would like to go and have my lunch, now.'  
  
She cocked her head to one side. 'Oooooooh -' she whined. 'And here's me thinking while everyone else is busy you and me could have some fun in an empty classroom.'  
  
Draco was torn - but after at least 2 seconds of careful decision-making, he had made up his mind.  
  
Well, she wasn't Head Girl for nothing.... 


End file.
